My Thoughts - Episode Four

And after a short reprieve last week, my thoughts are back. I read Miss Alli's recap last week and have to say it wasn't one of her better ones, so I don't feel too bad I couldn't find much to say other than Boo! Duke and Lauren didn't need to go home this early!

Anyways. Vietnam: Part II.

We begin the episode with the *wins, sporting some awesome headlamps. I love that nearly all the teams do this now, even though it began way back in race three with one of the best racers of all time (the tall one--not the short harpy). They are told to go exchange their money in order to get their next clue.

The money, we find out from Team Zoolander, is dong. And yes, everyonce in awhile I get to giggle and stuff like that. Especially when one addict model turns to the other and says "how much dong you got?"

This is the first time, I think in the history of the race, that we have ever seen teams have to exchange money before (of course, I think Jim and Marsha are still bitter about their exchange woes, but whatever). This just leads me to believe that the editors have the same level of maturity that I do so they could see all the teams count their dong. Still funny.

The teams get their clue which says to proceed to a statue and listen for the audio clue. At this point, was I the only one thinking "Oh my God! It's Legends of the Hidden Temple! They get to talk to Olmec!"? No? Just me? Okay fine, whatever. But it was an awesome show and I used to watch it all the time at my Grandparents' house. On the way there, Mary stunned us once again with her command of Asian languages. It wasn't on the level of Quack Quack, and I really can't even do a phoenetic interpretation of what she said without rewatching the episode a couple more times. But, it was awesome. For those of you keeping score at home (even though I know none of you are since I'm doing it for you), three of the four episode titles haev been from Mary. Team Clueless (their new nickname to be explained in full later is this recap) turns to each other and says "I've very auditory", only to be followed of an amazing shot where they think the clue is in the CRICKETS. Oh, the funny. This season has proven to expect a lot from the racers, but I don't think any Dr. Doolittle tendencies is on the list. I'm really liking these new clue strategies. This is the most ingenious since the Evil Billboard in season four, I think.

The teams get the clue to go to the Hydrofoil Harbor (?) in Bai Chong Kwai or something like that. Good call on having the taxi drivers listen to it. The next taxi cab sequence is when we really saw Killer Fatigue set in (Killer Fatigue: proper noun. abbr. KF. The condition in which a racer's state of mind hits the breaking point due to stress, lack of sleep, lack of sustenance, and utter exhaustion. Main side effect is more air time, and you're liable to say a lot of stupid shit). Case in point: Rob (Mr. Mutual Loathing himself) blatantly declaring: "I'm done talking to foreigners."

Huh.

Good luck on, you know, that whole racearoundtheworld thing.

At some point right about here, I wrote down Team Zoolander saying "That's the global killer" and, in parentheses, Isn't that SARS? I haven't the slightest clue what this was in reference to and, honestly, it probably sounded funnier in my head anyways.

And onto the Roadblock, where Peter and Sarah decide that the first roadblock Sarah's going to do is one that says, "Who has strong arms and legs?" Plural, folks! The task turns out to be a 90 foot ascender climb up the Cliffs of Insanity. Granted, there's only one foot loop on there, but as opposed to the bilegged people, Sarah doesn't get the option to switch out. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of Sarah and her seemingly quick defeatest attitudes (as Bethany pointed out, "She's been missing the leg since birth? So, she never had to, like overcome anything?"), but there was quite a difference between Sarah working her leg off trying to climb the ascender, and Peter relaxing in the boat with sunglasses resting on forehead and sipping a Coke (although I admit that's probably what I'd be doing while my teammate did that challenge). This wasn't quite as exciting as the previous ascender, but it'll do. And I really didn't write down anything else.

Time for the Detour! I have to admit, I'm a bit sad it seems like Phil's traditional "A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons" and accompanied by the hands of exposition seem to be gone this season. But I guess I'm a traditionalist that way. Mass in Latin, Sesame Street when no one besides Big Bird could see Snuffy, Phil with his standard phrases. Whatever. We have a detour that is not unlike the one in Season three in Portugal with the kegs or bottles of Port and deliveries--either do the more physically challenging and deliver one place, or do one that requires a couple more stops. However, this one I'm just going to call the Talented Mr Ripley detour because, honestly, at any moment I thought that one team member on any of those teams was going to go Jude Law (or subsequently Matt Damon) on their teammate's ass. And it's in a boat. Which is awesome. I think my favorite line of the night had to actually go to Rob in this sequence: "What's a Junk?" (okay, maybe my tenth favorite line of the episode because there were a lot of good ones). But seriously, someone obviously has not been reading his Hardy Boys. Someone began waxing poetic on us, with some accidentally polishing off a Haiku (can't remember who it was right now...dangit):

Real live ocean

water over on your head

you fall you are dead

If that was Mary (I have to rewatch my tape) I am going to declare her an undercover FBI agent who has been posing as a coal miner's wife for the last twelve years because haikus are hard to come up with. Just look at the ones the Fringe staff tried. Apparently, we need to add "row a boat" to the list of "things to learn before going on The Amazing Race. Along with drive stick, swim, and eat your own vomit. I'm not sure I've ever seen a detour turn so many teams into so many beasts so quickly. I don't know if the sea was a bit rougher than production expected, or the tide was turning, or really that no team knew how to row, but this was just brutal. Is it wrong of me that I was hoping Team Mutual Loathing would try to dive for the pearls and, um, not come up again? Or maybe Peter. I think he's actually a Cylon. There is something just not quite...human about him. I think the kicker for me was when he told Sarah to shut up when he was trying to do the detour. That was really the icing on the cake. Of ironic disgust.

Teams row boats. Tom decides it'd be a fantastic idea to get out and tow his. People complain. Team Zoolander wonders why their junk is moving so slow (hee. sorry), and realize that the anchor is still down (this is akin to a city bus driver doing half his route with the parking break on. Come on, Vietnamese junk drivers!). Team Clueless, well, drop their clue in the water and manage to perfectly mangle it. And then they fight one of those fabulous sorority house fights where they get all bitchy and they hate each other and then a split second later they are sorry and cry (on each other's shoulders, literally! But it's a good thing they asked first)--totally Alicia Silverstone and Brittany Murphy from Clueless. These two are one pillow fight away from being the stereotypical blonde beauty queens. And I heart them for it.

Team Mutual Loathing eeks out the win and win Jet Skis. I think it's wise they won something that can be used separately.

Two more closing thoughts:

• LOVED *win's Let's Hug It Out tshirt. If you're not watching Entourage, put it on your Netflix queue RIGHT NOW.
• Do you think that, if Sarah continues to wise up and catch on to the Cylon that is Peter, they'll change their status at the bottom of the screen to "formerly recently dating"? Because that would be awesome.

And this is Scrappy, signing off.